Mother's Day

On this Mother's Day weekend, I've tried to spend some time reflecting on my journey so far as a mother. I have always prided myself as one of the few individuals who didn't need children of her own to know and understand the love a mother has for her child. As a special needs pre-k teacher, I felt the agony of the mommy who had to leave her teary-eyed little boy with Down's Syndrome in the hands of a complete stranger...me; I felt the heartbreak of another mom as she was told that her son was diagnosed as "failure to thrive;" and I prayed and cried with the mom who handed her 2 year old poison every morning to try to kill the cancer in her blood. I felt the pain these women felt. I cried with them and for them, and I loved their children with all of my heart. I still believe that I knew the love and pain of being a mom before I had children. I also believe that I still have a lot to learn.

But over the last three years, God has changed my life in so many ways. I have spiritually grown more in the last three years than I have in my entire life. I am utterly and completely dependent on Him, and I know every time things get tough, it's God strengthening me and making me into a stronger, more useful person for Him. I have always been a "day by day" person - I like to take things in small steps. But there are many times in the last 3 years that I survive minute by minute, second by second depending on Him to give me what I need. My love for the Lord has increased exponentially since I've had children, and my worship is more heartfelt than it has ever been. Tears come to my eyes almost everytime I sing praise songs to Him. I LOVE the Lord, for He has done great things!

So in reflection, here are some of the many lessons I've learned as a mother.

• Everyday, every second is a gift from God not to be taken for granted. My job as a teacher for children who are terminally ill has made me realize that at any moment, God can take my children from me, and every second I have with them is a gift. I kiss them a thousand times a day because I don't know if we'll have tomorrow.
  
• My children watch and imitate everything I do. Whether it's getting excited when Mark comes home or screaming "SHUT UP!" at the dog, my children notice and follow my lead. This is a scary, humbling thought.
• A crying baby does not necessarily mean that I'm failing in some way. Tyler was such a fussy, unhappy baby, and he can be a fussy toddler as well. I honestly dreaded being alone with him when he was a baby because I couldn't seem to make him happy for very long. No one could, but I felt like as his mother, I should be the one person who comforted him. I have always adored Tyler...he's precious and his strong will has forced me to become a stronger person. Piper is the opposite. She's content and responsive, and she quiets down with the right tools. I'm not doing anything different with her than I did with Tyler, but she's just a more content baby. Thank God for her sweet spirit. Some kids are just more high maintenance than others, and it's not the parents' fault!!
• Stress management - I get stressed, and like many people, my natural instinct is to take it out on those I love the most. It doesn't make ANY sense. I recognize this problem and conciously try to attack the stressor in my life and not the ones I love.
• A messy house is not the end of the world. I really, really, really dislike messes. Something about a bunch of toys or clothes scattered all over the place sends me into a frenzy, but I've come to realize that a little bit of a mess now and then won't kill me. There are more important things to get in a "frenzy" about. ;0)
• Consistency is important. It truly is the key to good discipline, but sometimes a hug works just as well.

I am a parent. God had chosen me to care for Tyler and Piper right now. He's CHOSEN me. My life's mission is to raise up godly children and to love them with His love. No job, no relationship, no circumstance can EVER get in the way of my life's #1 mission. I will not haphazardly parent. I will actively take responsibility and lead my children as we grow in Christ together. I am honored and overjoyed to bear the title of "mom."