God's Will

Every night I go to bed thinking about how I could have been a better parent that day. I go to bed guilt-ridden and sad every night over the mistakes I made that day. I know this is not God's will for me, and I've prayed and prayed about it. It's not like I make horrible, huge mistakes, but I just feel like I let Tyler and Piper down at some point during the day. They are both so young and so dependent, and Tyler is still incredibly jealous of Piper. He does everything in his power to get my attention when I am caring for Piper. And I make sure he gets one-on-one time with me everyday, but it never seems to be enough for him. He just does not like it when I hold Piper. It's frustrating and infuriating and sad and I don't always know how to handle his tantrums. I feel bad that he's hurting and needing more than I can give, and I feel bad for Piper because Tyler scares her and my time with her is constantly interrupted by Tyler's tantrums.

And I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate reading the Bible and praying with Tyler during the day. With Mark gone in the evenings, it just seems like time gets away from me and it doesn't get done everyday. We always pray before meals and before bedtime, but it seems like reading the Bible just hasn't become part of our daily routine yet, and that's frustrating too. Why can't I get it right??? How hard is it?

How do I go to bed every night in peace instead of guilt-ridden? How do I give 100% to both Tyler and Piper? Maybe the perfectionist in me is trying to take over....maybe not...I don't know, but I know I'm weary and need answers. God help me. (I say that a lot lately.)