For the last month, I've tried to focus my walk with God on seeing Him as my Father. I want to keep that goal for this month as well. It's just not my natural tendency to think if Him in that way. I love the song "I am" by Nichole Nordeman. It's about all of the titles God has during your lifetime. Comforter, Healer, Redeemer, I AM, Savior, Father, Lord, King, Beginning and the End, Super-hero, Secret-keeper, Heart-ache healer, Best friend, Shepherd, Pasture-maker, Creator, Helper, Maker, Life-sustainer.
Everyday this month, I will think about the titles that God fulfilled in my life each day. Was He my comforter today, my healer, my best friend? As I continue to focus on my relationship with Him as my Father, I will keep doing my best to have at least 30 minutes alone with Him each day. That has made a huge difference in my spiritual journey. Now getting up early is just habit, and it's a perfect way to begin each day.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Birthdays
As the summer approaches, all I can think about is preparing for Tyler and Piper's birthdays. June 23rd is Tyler's birthday, so I took him shopping to see what kind of party decorations he wanted. Well, like most shopping trips with Tyler, it ended with me leaving the store with a screaming Tyler and a baffled Piper. He couldn't decide between Curious George, Thomas the Tank Engine, fire trucks, and Elmo. He wanted it all. I'm actually thinking about having some of everything....some Thomas plates with Elmo napkins, Curious George cups, fire truck balloons... Why not? But I think I'll go pick them up by myself. ;0)
I'm also having so much fun shopping for both Tyler and Piper. I love buying things for my children! And God has blessed me with some extra hours at work this month, so I have plenty of money to get the perfect gifts.
Piper's first birthday is August 1st. I've been working on a scrapbook of verses and prayers we have for her. I did a similar book for Tyler last year. It's been so fun to create this book, and I hope someday she'll read it and know how much she's loved. Creating the book has helped me focus on the verses that comfort me the most, that mean the most to me, and that help guide my prayers for my family.
I'm also having so much fun shopping for both Tyler and Piper. I love buying things for my children! And God has blessed me with some extra hours at work this month, so I have plenty of money to get the perfect gifts.
Piper's first birthday is August 1st. I've been working on a scrapbook of verses and prayers we have for her. I did a similar book for Tyler last year. It's been so fun to create this book, and I hope someday she'll read it and know how much she's loved. Creating the book has helped me focus on the verses that comfort me the most, that mean the most to me, and that help guide my prayers for my family.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
George
I got to watch some of the Gray's Anatomy finale last night. Well, Tyler happened to be in the room (he's never far from me) when George revealed himself to Meredith after being in horrible auto accident. His face was so mutilated and broken that he couldn't speak and no one recognized him. So as he traced the numbers 007 on Meredith's hand, I gasped, and with my hand over my mouth, I whispered to myself "it's George... ." Seeing my dramatic reaction, Tyler began to pay attention to the TV and saw George and his face that's just been run over by a bus and says..."oooh....it's George....scare me!"
I quickly explained that George was hurt; he was not scary; he was sad and hurt; and the doctors were going to help him. Well, Tyler went on for the next 30 minutes about George. He'd put his hands over his mouth and say very quietly, "it's George....scare me." I think after a while it was just a show for us, but I prayed that my Gray's Anatomy addiction didn't just scar my kid and create another image for him to be afraid of at night.
Of course Mark took this opportunity to scorn me (jokingly) for subjecting Tyler to such filth. He only did this because I have a fit when he plays his violent, first-person-shooter video games in front of Tyler. Oh well. Hopefully after a good night's sleep, Tyler has forgotten about George. Sweet boy.
I quickly explained that George was hurt; he was not scary; he was sad and hurt; and the doctors were going to help him. Well, Tyler went on for the next 30 minutes about George. He'd put his hands over his mouth and say very quietly, "it's George....scare me." I think after a while it was just a show for us, but I prayed that my Gray's Anatomy addiction didn't just scar my kid and create another image for him to be afraid of at night.
Of course Mark took this opportunity to scorn me (jokingly) for subjecting Tyler to such filth. He only did this because I have a fit when he plays his violent, first-person-shooter video games in front of Tyler. Oh well. Hopefully after a good night's sleep, Tyler has forgotten about George. Sweet boy.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
No sleep
What a day. I awoke to roaring thunder at 4:00 this morning. Immediately, Captain America, our little shih tzu who is terrified of storms was right in my face. Somehow that's comforting to her. ;-)
I went to check on Tyler because I knew if the thunder woke me up, it definitely woke him up. I was a little surprised that he wasn't in my face with Captain America. I found him curled up in our recliner in the living room with his hands over his face.
As I rushed to his side to comfort him, he looked up and through his hands, he said, "Mama, ....scared...it get me." My heart broke for him. He was too scared to even make it to our bedroom. I assured him it was just thunder and rain and that it was actually fun to watch the lightening brighten the night sky. To no avail, I tried to get him to go back to sleep, but the thunder rolled on and Tyler wanted milk, breakfast, and to get dressed. Okay.
There are two things that make it hard for me to be loving, compassionate, and happy, and they are lack of sleep and illness. I'm on my second round of antibiotics trying to fight off a stubborn sinus and ear infection, and my allergies are haywire. So getting up at 4:00 in the morning means my day is probably going to be a bit challenging, especially considering I don't feel well.
I was ready for lunch by the time I left for work at 8:30. I just had a meeting to go to, and then I rushed home to pack up the kids for a playgroup at 11:30. I popped a benadryl tablet because my allergies were getting bad, knowing that the trade off for feeling better was that I would be part zombie for the rest of the day. They both enjoyed playgroup at Tina's house....she has a huge room FULL of toys for kids of all ages, so it's the perfect place to meet. We got home at about 2:00, and I was sure we would all get to take a nap simultaneously today! Negative.
While trying to get Piper down for a nap, Tyler decided to make as much noise as possible. Despite the fact that I put a movie on in his room for him to have some "quiet time," he thought it would be so much more fun to throw blocks against the wall, to literally SCREAM at Emma when she got near his Sonic Popcorn Chicken (that he didn't really want anyway), and (here's the clencher!) to splash around in the toilet water and then race around the house touching everything in sight. Oh, I was NOT happy.
Piper only stayed asleep for about 3 minutes before the sonic blast of my voice exclaiming "TYLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" awoke her. Tyler, not used to hearing me yell, froze. After a quick and calm discussion on NOT playing in the toilet, I picked up Piper to rock her back to sleep, at which time Tyler came in with my box of Godiva chocolates (Mother's day treat) sweetly saying, "Happy Birthday..... Happy Mother's Day...." The boy has already learned that a bringing a box of chocolates to a woman can get you out of almost any mess. I was exhausted....we all were, but for some reason children fight sleep. What the heck is up with that?? Embrace it; enjoy it while you can!
I had finally given up on getting either one of them to sleep when Tyler curled up in the recliner at 5:00 and shut his eyes. Great. 5:00 is NOT the best time for a nap, but today....I'll take it.
Tyler at 5:00 - finally napping!!!
Piper at 5:00 and 2 seconds - after I put her down to get the camera to take a picture of Tyler.
I guess a lack of sleep makes her a little emotional too.
It's almost 7:00 now and I can't seem to get Tyler out of the recliner, I've drunk an entire Route 44 diet coke, and I still feel like a zombie, and Piper has still not slept. It's definitely time for Mark to get home.
Me at the end of this day!!
I went to check on Tyler because I knew if the thunder woke me up, it definitely woke him up. I was a little surprised that he wasn't in my face with Captain America. I found him curled up in our recliner in the living room with his hands over his face.
As I rushed to his side to comfort him, he looked up and through his hands, he said, "Mama, ....scared...it get me." My heart broke for him. He was too scared to even make it to our bedroom. I assured him it was just thunder and rain and that it was actually fun to watch the lightening brighten the night sky. To no avail, I tried to get him to go back to sleep, but the thunder rolled on and Tyler wanted milk, breakfast, and to get dressed. Okay.
There are two things that make it hard for me to be loving, compassionate, and happy, and they are lack of sleep and illness. I'm on my second round of antibiotics trying to fight off a stubborn sinus and ear infection, and my allergies are haywire. So getting up at 4:00 in the morning means my day is probably going to be a bit challenging, especially considering I don't feel well.
I was ready for lunch by the time I left for work at 8:30. I just had a meeting to go to, and then I rushed home to pack up the kids for a playgroup at 11:30. I popped a benadryl tablet because my allergies were getting bad, knowing that the trade off for feeling better was that I would be part zombie for the rest of the day. They both enjoyed playgroup at Tina's house....she has a huge room FULL of toys for kids of all ages, so it's the perfect place to meet. We got home at about 2:00, and I was sure we would all get to take a nap simultaneously today! Negative.
While trying to get Piper down for a nap, Tyler decided to make as much noise as possible. Despite the fact that I put a movie on in his room for him to have some "quiet time," he thought it would be so much more fun to throw blocks against the wall, to literally SCREAM at Emma when she got near his Sonic Popcorn Chicken (that he didn't really want anyway), and (here's the clencher!) to splash around in the toilet water and then race around the house touching everything in sight. Oh, I was NOT happy.
Piper only stayed asleep for about 3 minutes before the sonic blast of my voice exclaiming "TYLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" awoke her. Tyler, not used to hearing me yell, froze. After a quick and calm discussion on NOT playing in the toilet, I picked up Piper to rock her back to sleep, at which time Tyler came in with my box of Godiva chocolates (Mother's day treat) sweetly saying, "Happy Birthday..... Happy Mother's Day...." The boy has already learned that a bringing a box of chocolates to a woman can get you out of almost any mess. I was exhausted....we all were, but for some reason children fight sleep. What the heck is up with that?? Embrace it; enjoy it while you can!
I had finally given up on getting either one of them to sleep when Tyler curled up in the recliner at 5:00 and shut his eyes. Great. 5:00 is NOT the best time for a nap, but today....I'll take it.
Tyler at 5:00 - finally napping!!!
Piper at 5:00 and 2 seconds - after I put her down to get the camera to take a picture of Tyler.
I guess a lack of sleep makes her a little emotional too.
It's almost 7:00 now and I can't seem to get Tyler out of the recliner, I've drunk an entire Route 44 diet coke, and I still feel like a zombie, and Piper has still not slept. It's definitely time for Mark to get home.
Me at the end of this day!!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day
On this Mother's Day weekend, I've tried to spend some time reflecting on my journey so far as a mother. I have always prided myself as one of the few individuals who didn't need children of her own to know and understand the love a mother has for her child. As a special needs pre-k teacher, I felt the agony of the mommy who had to leave her teary-eyed little boy with Down's Syndrome in the hands of a complete stranger...me; I felt the heartbreak of another mom as she was told that her son was diagnosed as "failure to thrive;" and I prayed and cried with the mom who handed her 2 year old poison every morning to try to kill the cancer in her blood. I felt the pain these women felt. I cried with them and for them, and I loved their children with all of my heart. I still believe that I knew the love and pain of being a mom before I had children. I also believe that I still have a lot to learn.
But over the last three years, God has changed my life in so many ways. I have spiritually grown more in the last three years than I have in my entire life. I am utterly and completely dependent on Him, and I know every time things get tough, it's God strengthening me and making me into a stronger, more useful person for Him. I have always been a "day by day" person - I like to take things in small steps. But there are many times in the last 3 years that I survive minute by minute, second by second depending on Him to give me what I need. My love for the Lord has increased exponentially since I've had children, and my worship is more heartfelt than it has ever been. Tears come to my eyes almost everytime I sing praise songs to Him. I LOVE the Lord, for He has done great things!
So in reflection, here are some of the many lessons I've learned as a mother.
But over the last three years, God has changed my life in so many ways. I have spiritually grown more in the last three years than I have in my entire life. I am utterly and completely dependent on Him, and I know every time things get tough, it's God strengthening me and making me into a stronger, more useful person for Him. I have always been a "day by day" person - I like to take things in small steps. But there are many times in the last 3 years that I survive minute by minute, second by second depending on Him to give me what I need. My love for the Lord has increased exponentially since I've had children, and my worship is more heartfelt than it has ever been. Tears come to my eyes almost everytime I sing praise songs to Him. I LOVE the Lord, for He has done great things!
So in reflection, here are some of the many lessons I've learned as a mother.
- Everyday, every second is a gift from God not to be taken for granted. My job as a teacher for children who are terminally ill has made me realize that at any moment, God can take my children from me, and every second I have with them is a gift. I kiss them a thousand times a day because I don't know if we'll have tomorrow.
- My children watch and imitate everything I do. Whether it's getting excited when Mark comes home or screaming "SHUT UP!" at the dog, my children notice and follow my lead. This is a scary, humbling thought.
- A crying baby does not necessarily mean that I'm failing in some way. Tyler was such a fussy, unhappy baby, and he can be a fussy toddler as well. I honestly dreaded being alone with him when he was a baby because I couldn't seem to make him happy for very long. No one could, but I felt like as his mother, I should be the one person who comforted him. I have always adored Tyler...he's precious and his strong will has forced me to become a stronger person. Piper is the opposite. She's content and responsive, and she quiets down with the right tools. I'm not doing anything different with her than I did with Tyler, but she's just a more content baby. Thank God for her sweet spirit. Some kids are just more high maintenance than others, and it's not the parents' fault!!
- Stress management - I get stressed, and like many people, my natural instinct is to take it out on those I love the most. It doesn't make ANY sense. I recognize this problem and conciously try to attack the stressor in my life and not the ones I love.
- A messy house is not the end of the world. I really, really, really dislike messes. Something about a bunch of toys or clothes scattered all over the place sends me into a frenzy, but I've come to realize that a little bit of a mess now and then won't kill me. There are more important things to get in a "frenzy" about. ;0)
- Consistency is important. It truly is the key to good discipline, but sometimes a hug works just as well.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I'm lying
It's been very hard to stick with my goal of spending time with God ALONE every morning. Tyler and Piper have been sick for almost a week now, and now I'm catching something. I'm tired and cranky, and honestly all I can think about doing when I wake up in the morning is getting bottles, breakfast, and medicine ready before the kids wake up. And now that I'm feeling under the weather, Mark's treating me like I have the bubonic plague. Heaven forbid he touch a germ and get sick. Of course I don't want him to get sick, but I don't want to be treated like a leper either.
So, you can see I'm having trouble with my attitude today. One of my good friends sent me this prayer a while back, and I've found myself needing to pray it multiple times throughout the day lately. It's such a great prayer that I thought I'd share it with you!
"God, help me; help me fogive; help me be kind, etc. God, I just want you to know that I know I am lying, because I don't really want your help. I am enjoying being mad, sad, mean, etc. But, I know this is not your will. Please help me even though I don't really want it. I know it should be Your will and not mine."
Yes, this is my prayer today.
So, you can see I'm having trouble with my attitude today. One of my good friends sent me this prayer a while back, and I've found myself needing to pray it multiple times throughout the day lately. It's such a great prayer that I thought I'd share it with you!
"God, help me; help me fogive; help me be kind, etc. God, I just want you to know that I know I am lying, because I don't really want your help. I am enjoying being mad, sad, mean, etc. But, I know this is not your will. Please help me even though I don't really want it. I know it should be Your will and not mine."
Yes, this is my prayer today.
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